My husband and I have the same damn arguments over and over again. It’s what we do . . . and we do it really well!
We know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, how hard to push, and when to pull back from those buttons before someone has finally had too much {did I mention that we are experts}!
For the record . . . I adore my husband and I’m grateful for who he is and all that he does for me and our boys. Together, we have created an amazing life for our family . . . and I wouldn’t change a thing.
It’s just that I am tired of the same 3 arguments over and over again. I am worn out from falling into our comfortable and familiar patterns of arguing without even thinking about it . . . like we are on autopilot . . . letting it happen again and again.
Sound familiar??
My hunch is that many of you are nodding your heads in agreement . . . isn’t it tiring??
I bet you are as worn out as I am.
I don’t WANT to argue with my husband, it happens because I ALLOW it to happen, which really pisses me off.
As a life coach . . . I have lots of amazing tools and strategies to choose from when it comes to breaking shitty patterns and painful habits, especially in relationships. I’ve tried most of them. Some work for me and some don’t or I just get tired of “working at it.” I have a busy life people . . . it’s easy to put my husband and my relationship last on my “to do” list.
But the one “tool” I keep coming back to when I have the energy to make my relationship with my husband a priority {and I’m really trying to do that more often} is a book based on ancient Toltec wisdom titled The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
It’s a quick read, and worth the time . . . but if you are anything like me, “finding the time” can be a struggle {that’s an entirely different topic for a future blog post}! So I am sharing with you the “straight to the point” and “only takes 30 seconds to read” version {you’re welcome}.
The Four Agreements
1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the WORD to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your WORD in the direction of truth and love.
2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse and regret.
So what do you think? Pretty damn powerful right? And the best part. . . there are only 4 agreements!! Which means . . . not too overwhelming, fairly easy to remember, and short enough to post someplace in your home or write in your journal or pin it to one of your boards at Pinterest.
For me, when shit is getting real and I’m serious about making a change {or at least making some tweaks} my tool or mantra or reminder gets posted on our fridge {aka: the davis family command center} and right now The Four Agreements are front and center!!!
xo,
amy
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