I came down with a crappy cold last week and I reluctantly made the decision to cancel two days of clients.

Boy – did that bring up some shit!!!

I’m being lazy.
I don’t work hard enough.
Just suck it up like everyone else does.
I don’t deserve to be able to take two days off work.
I am not worthy.

Yikes! Can you relate??

I thought I was doing the work around this idea that “busy-ness” = worthiness.
I was calling bullshit on this capitalistic concept.
I totally got it – saying “yes to rest” was the hip thing to do and I was totally doing it!
Until I was forced to rest for real- and I realized I wasn’t so hip after all!

Our capitalist society has programmed us from a VERY young age to believe that being “busy” means we are “productive” and being “productive” means we are “successful” & happy & worthy of love & everyone thinks we are amazing because we are busy busy busy!!!

Yet . . . most of us are walking around sleep deprived and depressed with calendars full of shit we don’t want to be doing – making deals with ourselves . . .

When I cross everything off my list – then I can rest.
When I get that next promotion – then I can rest.
When I finish the 25 loads of laundry – then I can rest.

Well guess what my beautiful friends – the “to do” lists keep on coming, there will always be the “next” promotion and the damn laundry NEVER ends!

SO . . . I wanted to share with you something that has helped me believe . . .
That I am worthy of rest.
That the world won’t fall apart if I take a few tasks off my “to do” list.
That my husband won’t think any less of me if I lose myself in a puzzle and a glass of wine for an hour (when I could be folding that laundry).
That I deserve to take a sick day to heal my body and rest my brain.

“No More Grind: How to Finally Rest with Tricia Hersey” podcast #139 on the “We Can Do Hard Things” Podcast (thank you Glennon, Abby & Amanda)!

“Why grind culture – a collaboration of capitalism and white supremacy – wants to keep us exhausted, and how we can resist a culture of overwhelming busy-ness.”

LISTEN TO IT PLEASE!!!!!

“HOW WE CAN RESIT A CULTURE OF OVERWHELMING BUSY-NESS” Yes please – I’ll take some of that!!

Just try it- let go of some of your “busy-ness” and say yes to rest.
It will probably feel a bit uncomfortable and may even bring up some shit (see beginning of this blog) – but do it anyway!

The world WILL NOT end if you take some time to rest- I promise!

Also – your “rest” may look different than her/his/their “rest” and that’s ok . . . you do you!

Your rest may be a walk in the woods – a phone call with your bestie – cooking your favorite meal – reading a book. Your way of resting is still resting & there are no rules!

I like to rest while keeping my hands a bit active – knitting, puzzling, gardening, drinking wine – and sometimes the occasional power nap sprinkled in.
My husband likes to rest completely horizontal on the couch, covered with a blanket and asleep in less than 5 minutes!

VERY different ways to rest – but it works for us because it feels good to us!

Be true to what feels good to you- because our world needs you – you beautiful, worthy, successful & RESTED human being!

xoxo,
amy

It’s been a minute since I last wrote to you  . . . and I REALLY want to tell you that life is good- full of rainbows, adventures, joy & magical unicorns.

But to be completely TAO (transparent – authentic – open) life has been sucky lately . . . & what I REALLY want to be honest about is that I am in deep with my negative thought patterns and a bit of  “mean girl talk.” Can any of you relate?

It’s not an easy thing to put out there (especially as a recovering perfectionist) but my life is FAR from perfect right now, and it’s a bit cringy to be writing this to you.

BUT . . . I am sensing that there are a lot of us feeling the same way right now . . . and I need you to know . . . you are not alone!

Life is hard.

People are mean.

Our world is burning up.

Winter is coming.

Yikes! Debbie Downer much???

The thing is – I KNOW what I need to do about my negative thoughts and “mean girl talk” – I just don’t know if I have the energy to follow through with it!  -Sigh-

So I am going to keep this short and sweet “ish” because honestly, I really DON’T  have the energy to do the work of shifting my negative thoughts right now – and that’s ok.

See what I did there? By adding the phrase “and that’s ok” I gave myself permission to accept my lack of energy in this moment. I’m tired dammit – it’s been a shitty couple of months and I am just worn out.

That doesn’t mean I will never have the energy to do the work on my “mean girl talk” and negative thought patterns or that I am using it as an excuse to just ignore the suckiness. It just gives me some space to exhale and be ok with where I am right now.

Just by writing this to you, my beautiful friends, I can feel something loosening around my heart (the heart chakra is the center for self love so no wonder it feels tight and stuck – it is NOT a fan of all this mean girl talk)!

Giving yourself permission to be ok with where you are and what you are feeling right NOW is f***ing powerful.  

So now all we need to do is practice!

“I am not being a supportive partner  . . . and that’s ok.”

“I am not taking care of my body as much as I should  . . . and that’s ok.”

“I am not working hard enough as a coach  . . . and that’s ok.”

Yup – these are some of my very real negative thoughts that I am believing are true at the moment.  – sigh – cringe – sigh –  But I am working on them even though I am damn tired – because I know it’s worth the freedom I will feel as these thoughts begin to let go of me.

So much more powerful information I could share with you about “Thought Work” (thank you Byron Katie and Martha Beck.)  If you want to dig deeper and crave support from someone who is right there in it with you – reach out – I’m here for you! I will guide you through your negative thoughts and cheer you on when you stand solidly in your truth! 

For now . . . just notice when a negative thought pops into your beautiful mind (there will be thousands a day) and see if you can just add . .  “and that’s ok” to the end of one of those negative thoughts. And then notice – 

How does your body feel?

How do you react to your circumstances?

How do you behave towards yourself and others?

Just start here and see how it feels – no judging – no comparing – no mean girl talk. 

I will be practicing right along beside you my beautiful friends and remember – you are NOT alone!

As we practice this simple, yet powerful tool  . . . my hope for you (and me) is that our life DOES have a few rainbows, some joyful moments, lots of love for ourselves and maybe even a magical unicorn!

xo,

Amy

It was really good to hear his voice on the other end of the phone.

After packing his car with a garbage bag full of clothes, a tent and sleeping bag, some cans of beans and a whole lotta Ramen . . . my son Sam had been road tripping for the past month.

And now, he was coming home to regroup and hopefully buy a van to “upgrade his road tripping status!”

So when he called to say he was only 20 minutes from home . . . I was a thrilled mama!!

“Oh, and I now have a cat . . .” he says.

Wait, what???

“I found him at a rest stop in North Carolina, shivering, dirty and wet, hiding between two vending machines. He followed me to my car, and when I opened the door . . . he jumped in. I gave him my dinner (a can of tunafish) and then he fell asleep in my lap. What was I supposed to? He had no collar, and no one else was there, and he was soooo skinny and sad!”

So this is my life with Sam.
He is an “Animal Whisperer.”

So far his “pets” haven’t impacted my life too much!

There were the ladybugs – Mimi & Jackson, the various mice in the garage, many spiders in the house, his two gerbils – Jerry Garcia and Frank Zappa, our backyard chickens, his bunny – Charlie and of course our beloved yellow lab – Kate.

But a CAT!?!

You see my beautiful friends, I am SEVERLY allergic to cats . . . like I can’t breathe allergic – and I want to gouge my eyes out because they are so itchy, and my nose is constantly filled with snot, and I sneeze a bazillion times and I just feel damn miserable . . . which translates into – I really really really dislike cats!

So this was happening, and I only had 20 minutes to gather my thoughts and figure out how to proceed.

Shit!!

The minute I saw Sam with this cat . . . I knew he was already part of the family, and I was going to need to find some really really strong allergy meds!

Shit!!

Oh and yes, I am a SUCKER!!
Especially when it comes to my boys.
I have my boundaries and I DO say no – but – this cat was so damn cute and my son was already so in LOVE with Lenin (yup, that’s his name) – what could I do?

Why am I telling you this story my friends?

To remind you that sometimes life doesn’t go as planned (I know, I know . . . after the year we’ve survived we all KNOW this already)!!

BUT what I want you to HEAR – it’s ok (actually necessary) to create those healthy boundaries that feel right for YOU!

So what do my boundaries with “Lenin the Cat” look like?

He is not allowed in my bedroom or office (ok, sometimes he gets to go on a special field trip into my office)!
Sam vacuums and sprays allergy mist frequently to keep the dander and cat hair from invading our home.
Someone always has their eyeballs on Lenin, so my chairs don’t become scratching posts and my plants aren’t his personal litter box!
And these boundaries feel good for me!

I can say YES to “Lenin the Cat” while still maintaining some control over my wellbeing and my home!

BTW: It also helps that Allegra has been a MIRACLE antihistamine! I can actually cuddle with Lenin without almost going into anaphylactic shock!

Yes, I will admit . . . I am falling in love with this cat and I adore watching my son love and care for him (he is getting so good at “adulting”) and I’ve had many proud mama moments!

We can be open to change – let go of certainty – keep an open mind – say yes or no – and STILL maintain our healthy boundaries that keep us –

grounded
strong
and living our truth!

Living our TRUTH . . .

What does that look like for you?

Taking a 20 minute break from your responsibilities to enjoy a walk in the sunshine.
Not answering texts or emails after 7pm.
Saying NO to another commitment that feels like a “should.”
Buying yourself tulips because you are worth it.
Ending a toxic relationship.
Reading a book in the middle of the day
Asking for help with dinner because you are exhausted.
Quitting a job that no longer serves you.
Going to bed early.
The list is endless my friends and I am giving you permission to create those healthy boundaries especially when plans change, uncertainty creeps in, worry and anxiety cloud that beautiful brain of yours . . . or a white cat shows up on your front porch in the arms of your son who is grinning from ear to ear . . . and they BOTH immediately melt your heart.

live your truth
create healthy boundaries
put yourself first
say NO
say YES
be brave
be gentle with yourself
love fiercely

xo,
amy

I never used to be a “napper.”

I thought it a waste of time and definitely judged those who did nap (I’m looking at you my darling husband)!

There was always too much to do and not enough time in the day and the more things I crossed off my list, the better I felt about myself and could prove that I was “enough” that I was “productive” that I “contributed” that I was “worthy.” Who had time for a nap????

Sound familiar??? Exhausting right?? Yup, me too.

But now I nap (honestly, it’s still hard for me to admit that).
I know, that’s a bit fucked up . . . but I’m working on it!

Let me be clear though . . . I still LOVE the hustle!
It makes me feel alive, vital & sparkly!

I ADORE my “to do” lists (I know, I’m weird . . . but I really do)!!
I feel productive and “in control” when I cross something off my list.
It comforts and calms me (especially now when our world is a bit of a “shit show”) knowing that I finished the laundry, cleaned out the chicken coop, called my mom, swept the garage, paid the bills, emailed a client and made dinner.

It gives me a rush and I DO feel productive when I see those checked boxes on my Evernote App . . . and I don’t think this is a bad thing as long as I seek out the balance between hustle and rest.

And to be completely transparent . . . this 50 year old body has seen a lot of life and is beginning to have a few aches & pains, bumps & bruises, twinges and spasms . . . and how long have I had that chin hair?!?

Sigh.

So you see . . . rest is important . . . for all of us.
That’s really all I have to say . . . just take a damn nap once in awhile, or at least “rest your eyes” (like my Grampa Lew used to say).

You can even put “rest”on your to do list so you get to cross it off!! OMG how exciting!

Oh, and another thing, my beautiful, kick ass people . . . you ARE “worthy” and “enough” and “valued” no matter how many things you crossed off your list today, just sayin’.

It’s ok to cry yourself to sleep.

I did the other night.

It caught me by surprise.

I was joking around with my husband about getting a good nights sleep (before his 5 am wake up call to climb a mountain).

I told him I would sing “Kumbaya”  to him (which is a song we sang to our boys every.single.night for years) . . . so I started singing.

I barely made it three words in until the tears came and then the sobs!

I couldn’t seem to stop them.

I didn’t want to keep my husband awake (of course he comforted me because he’s awesome that way) but I also couldn’t stop the damn tears from flowing.

WTF??

Where did they come from?? 

I was just giggling 2 minutes ago and now I couldn’t control the sobs (and control is my middle name)!!

I eventually just gave in, letting the tears roll down my face until I fell asleep (probably snoring) and didn’t wake until morning.

I guess my body just needed to “cry it out” as we used to say to our boys.

So many reasons right now for tears and sobs . . . so damn many . . . yet how often do we attempt to “hold it together” “put on a brave face” “keep your chin up” “push through” and just try to fucking hold on for one more day.

It’s exhausting & unsettling & scary & disconcerting & EXHAUSTING!

So I want to give you permission my beautiful friends to fall – the – fuck – apart.

Be a mess . . . let those tears spill out, embrace your splotchy face and your runny nose.

Cry in the dark. Cry in the light. Cry in your car. Cry at the dinner table.

Be pissed off. Be frustrated. Be scared. Be loud. Be quiet.

And then do this . . .

Drink lots of water (like A LOT).

Get outside every single day.

Go to bed earlier and actually sleep for 7 to 8 hours.

Reach out to your friends & family for some lovin’.

Be gentle with yourself, no really . . . give yourself a break.

Put your damn phone down more often.

Eat a green veggie or two, daily (mine are broccoli and spinach).

Move your body in a way that feels true to you.

Clear off your kitchen counter of the shit that doesn’t belong there.

Treat yourself to fresh flowers and light a candle.

Have sex.

Then a glass of wine.

Then watch a good show (I’m binging on Season 9 of “Call the Midwife” which makes me soooo happy).

And remember to give yourself permission to be a mess, fall apart when you need to and just STOP with all the self judgement . . . it’s enough!

Oh and also  . . . just so you know . . . you are always beautiful to me my friend . . . no matter how messy your life is or how splotchy your face becomes from crying . . . you are beautiful.

xo,
amy