“Be quiet and listen!”

That’s been my mantra lately, especially when dealing with my teenage sons.

When I keep my mouth shut, and actively listen . . . my boys get chatty!!

Sam shares his ideas for a video game he wants to create, his frustrations about favoritism during the Districts Music Festival, his opinion about abortion and what he thinks he wants to do with his life.

Jacob is honest about the stress of high school, his thoughts and fears about applying to college, how easy it is to “score weed” at his school and how he feels about his girlfriend.

They are sharing BIG Stuff with me and it’s awesome!

But the minute I go into the “I am an awesome problem solver/I know what is best for you/I have more life experience so you should listen to me”  mom mode . . . they completely shut down.

What they hear is, “I don’t think you can handle this without me.” “I don’t trust you to figure this out on your own.” “This needs to be fixed.” 

-SIGH-

It’s hard work to stay quiet . . . I have such good advice and I love to talk! LOL

But honestly, most of the time my boys don’t want my advice or for me to fix anything . . . they just want to be heard!

They want to know someone is there who is present and listening.

No judging.
No advice.
No fixing.

My boys need to hear me say,

“I am sorry this is happening to you.”
“This sucks.”
“It’s ok to feel frustrated or sad or angry.”
“I’m here for you.”
“I love you.”

The best thing I can do for my boys is to stop what I am doing (even though the pile of unfolded laundry is driving me crazy).

Look them in the eyes (they may shy away from direct eye contact, and that’s ok).

Keep my mouth shut (damn, that’s tough). 

And Listen (the quieter I become, the more I can hear).

I truly believe that this world CAN heal if we all learn how to be better LISTENERS!!

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

So give it a try!

Practice being quiet and listening.

It’s ok if you suck (been there), you WILL get better at it . . . with lots of discipline and patience.

Practice on your kiddos (When you really listen to them, you will hear what amazing human beings they are).

Practice on your partner (You will remember how much you love them and may even want to make out).

Practice on yourself (When you quiet your own chatter and listen to your body, she will start “talking” and believe me . . . she’s got a lot of important things to tell you).

Sometimes the most nourishing thing you can do for yourself and for someone else is to . . .

Be quiet.
Be present.
Be a good listener.

xo,
amy

This past week has been a shit storm of emotions for me (I am sure you can relate).

Saying goodbye to the beautiful Obamas. (I couldn’t even watch the footage)

Trying to wrap my head around the new President. (I can’t even type his name)

Feeling the energy, determination and pussy power at the march in Montpelier and being able to witness the amazing pussy power around the globe!

Wondering what’s next for my family, my community, my country.

Trying to articulate my thoughts and find my voice.

Questioning if I can really make a difference.

One moment I feel strong and determined to take action and DO something, “I am woman, hear me roar!”

But in the next moment I feel completely powerless, muttering to myself that this country has gone to shit and we are all doomed, while my hand is in a bag of potato chips.

So once I polished off that bag of potato chips (not my finest moment), I began to write.

I wrote to my boys.
I wrote to this country.
I wrote to all the beautiful women that surround me.
I wrote to myself.

“This is what I know. Life continues to move forward, and the journey is not always easy. This is when we need to listen to one another and lean on each other. We need to be ok with uncertainty and the unknown. We need to be ok with feeling uncomfortable.

I know that I am proud to be a mom who is raising two openminded, kind and loving young men who WILL make a difference in this world. I know that I am married to an incredibly kind, generous and determined man who is already making a difference in this world.

I know that I am a woman-sister-daughter-friend-aunt-life coach and fierce leo who will continue to lead by example, pay it forward, create ripples and raise my voice to make a difference.

I know that it is my purpose in life to encourage and support women to nourish themselves so they have the energy and love for their families, communities and country.

I know that it is time to rise up . . . be stronger together . . . take action . . . and get to work!

To you . . . my beautiful family and tribe . . . continue being open minded-be the change- always always be kind-rebel against meanness-love yourself-LOVE LOVE LOVE-put yourself in uncomfortable situations-understand what diversity feels like-make a difference by doing something-move into action-work hard-be proud of who you are and what you are doing and LOVE FIERCELY!”

I love you,
mom/amy

If you are feeling ready to “move into action and do something” here are some ways to do just that:

1. Sign all those petitions floating around FB and your inbox . . . it DOES send a message to our government.
2. Write a letter or make a phone call to your representatives . . . they need to hear YOUR voice.
3. Make donations to those amazing organizations that protect our bodies, our environment, our rights . . . every dollar makes a difference.
4. Volunteer, stand in solidarity and spread the love . . . “Stronger Together.”
5. Be kind and lift each other up . . . you would be surprised what a simple smile and hello can do for someone (and for you)!
6. Take care of YOURSELF . . . when you nourish yourself, you’ve got the pussy power to take on the world!

Be brave.
Be kind.
Rise up.
Do something.
And know that I’ve got your back!

Xo,
amy

I have been a bit scattered and messy this week to say the least!

The intention to “stay on track” was there, BELIEVE ME . . . yet it just didn’t happen.

My beautiful new date book was filled in for each day this week.

My “calls/emails/errands/to do/waiting for” notebook was freshly rewritten.

My intentions were all about following my schedule, crossing off tasks and being amazingly productive!

Instead, I didn’t crack open my date book for 3 days, I have scraps of paper with notes to myself everywhere, and before I sat down to write to you . . . I needed to clear my desk of bills, empty vitamin bottles, an unfinished camp application, notes about a fundraising event I’m organizing, and receipts . . . lots of receipts. Whew!

However, just clearing my desk and putting it all away in a bin allowed me to exhale a bit and begin focusing on my current task of writing to my beautiful tribe.

It doesn’t mean that the bin full of messiness isn’t driving me a bit crazy or being ignored, but it’s also not keeping me stuck or pulling me down into that dark abyss where the “to do” lists are never ending and there is never enough time to get it all done!

It means that I cleared that messiness for now and I am feeling pretty damn focused!

I told my OCD that I was going to write for one hour before she (my beautiful OCD) was allowed to tackle that bin.

One hour doesn’t seem like a lot of time, but when my desk and my mind are cleared, I can rock pretty much anything!!

Does this happen to you? You have the best intentions to stay organized, or get that permission slip in on time or keep the dining room table clear of piles for at least a week . . . but somehow the piles reappear instantly, the permission slip for your 8th grader has been lost to the underworld and you feel like you are barely keeping your head above water?

How about that mind of yours . . . is she a bit cluttered up with all those “I need to and I should sentences” What about the negative self talk that replays daily in your head? Feels pretty shitty right?

“Clearing Out” is one of my Five Bliss Elements (BE) that I believe you need to nourish your beautiful self and kick butt as a human being. It means clearing and purging all that shit around you (school papers, overwhelming emails, and the endless “to do” lists) and clearing all that clutter inside you too (the negative thoughts, self bullying and “I shoulds”).

This may seem overwhelming to you, I get it! My Clearing Out Element goes deep and is hard work! If you want to dig deeper, are ready to work your ass off and begin changing your life by clearing then work with me!

But for now, grab a bin or basket and begin clearing away until you feel yourself exhale, your body relaxes a bit and your mind doesn’t feel so fuzzy. When this happens, the task you are choosing to complete comes into focus and you feel ready to tackle it . . . so get to work girl!

Decide how long you will stay focused on what you are doing right now (even if it’s only for 5 minutes) and stick with it! That bin of bills, permission slips, calendar changes, incomplete health forms and calls to make isn’t going ANY where, and you WILL get to it eventually.

But for now . . . it stays put and you stay focused. Oh and then, you get to cross that task off your “to do” list and give yourself a high five!! Ta Da!!!

xo,
amy

So how is the new year treating you so far? Have you written down all your resolutions for 2017, and actually started doing them? How about setting your goals or intentions for the next 12 months? Did you figure out your “word” or “mantra” for 2017. And I am sure you have cleared out your closets, cleaned under your kids beds, organized your 2017 date book, answered all your emails and recorded and filed the receipts in your wallet!!!

Yeah right . . . me either!!!

I haven’t written down one resolution or mantra for 2017 because I seem to be too damn busy keeping up with the laundry, attempting to pay bills, chauffeuring my 14 year old from one music gig to another, putting dinner on the table for my hungry teenagers, crossing one thing off my list while adding two, organizing summer camps, volunteer projects and college visits and making sure the pets don’t starve!

Sound familiar??

It is a full life, one that I have chosen and love . . . but sometimes I just crave a bit more time.

I will admit, I’ve got issues about “time.” (more on that in a future blog)

For now, I want to tell you that it’s ok if you haven’t done a thing about resolutions, mantras, word of the year, vision boards or intentions . . . sometimes it’s enough to just sit down together as a family for dinner once in a while and make sure everyone has clean underwear for the week.

I am here to tell you, that is enough!

But . . . IF you are feeling like you want to explore some sort of intention or resolution for the new year, I’ve got a suggestion.

Ask yourself: “How do I want to FEEL right now, in a week, next month, 8 months from now??”

Danielle Laporte who is a kick ass coach and writer talks about “Creating Goals with Soul” in her book The Desire Map.

She explains, “Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. Generating those feelings is the most powerfully creative thing you can do with your life.” The Desire Map is an incredible tool and resource to dig deep into how you want to feel in your five different Life Areas (Livelihood and Lifestyle, Body and Wellness, Creativity and Learning, Relationships and Society, Essence and Spirituality). Buy the book, check out her blog, or hire me as your coach to explore more about The Desire Map and your Core Desires!

But for now, let’s keep it simple.

I asked myself in spin class the other day (I do my best thinking while sweating to loud music) “How did I want to feel in 2017??”

What flowed out was “Naturally and consistently connected” and this feels like my truth right now.

So how do I use this feeling to live my life while keeping it uncomplicated and true to who I am? I asked myself another question, “What does naturally and consistently connected FEEL like to me??”

And this is what I discovered . . .

It feels like taking the time to make dinner for my family to gather in candlelight and be seen . . . even for only 15 minutes.

It feels like leaving the last load of laundry in the dryer for later . . . to play a cut throat game of UNO with Sam now.

It feels like taking my husband out to our favorite new brunch place . . . for uninterrupted conversation over delicious coffee.

It feels like making the effort to text a friend for a walk . . . even when it is only 20 degrees outside.

It feels like taking care of myself . . . morning spin class, vitamins, sleep, kombucha.

It feels like sharing my “musings” with you as often as I can . . . connecting, inspiring and nourishing.

It feels like my truth . . . what feels true to you?

How do you want to FEEL??

{I would love to hear what you come up with. When I see my beautiful tribe in my inbox, I get goosebumps. So send it on over!}
xo,
amy

I am sitting at my desk with my perfectly made iced coffee, a cozy space heater at my feet and a blissful hour of uninterrupted time to share with you how to “Thrive during the Holidays” and then . . . my phone lights up with a text from my dad. Shit.

Seeing a text notification from my dad is the last thing I expect or want to deal with! It’s Friday and I am excited to connect with you and share some inspiring wisdom, be joyful and send you some love!

But the pit in my stomach has other plans.

You see, my dad and I don’t have much of a relationship any more. I have worked very hard over the past two decades to create healthy boundaries to protect myself and my boys from his mental and emotional instability. Quite frankly, he is an asshole and a “wacko” and I have chosen to keep him out of my life.

It hasn’t been easy and I still have lots of “shoulds” cluttering up my thoughts . . .

“I should give him another chance.”
“I should be grateful that I have a dad.”
“I should be more understanding of his behavior.”
“I should try to convince him to see it my way.”
“He should understand how I feel.”

But those thoughts do nothing for me except get me into a “texting war” with my dad that goes nowhere and just makes my stomach hurt more.

SO . . . I do respond to my dad’s text (I just can’t help myself), he fires back and I am quick to respond . . . but this time, my finger hovers over the send button.

Something tells me to check in with the one person (other than my sister) who understands my ” Wacko Dad Saga.”

My wise husband talks me down and reminds me that my dad no longer has CONTROL over me, so don’t give him back the power TO control me.

I don’t push the send button . . . instead . . . I push DELETE.

Hmmm . . . my stomach feels better.

I am sharing this story with you today my beautiful tribe because you need to know that creating healthy boundaries is OK, even with your family! It’s not easy (trust me) but 100% worth it for YOUR health and bliss.

Do not allow someone else to control you or take away your power. Keep yourself safe and healthy and powerful!

Trust yourself, listen to your body, be honest with what you need and want in your life . . . and don’t be afraid to create some beautifully healthy boundaries!

Oh, and don’t forget . . . it’s also ok to push that damn delete button every once in awhile!!

xo,
amy