The other day my son came into the kitchen and asked me: “What did you think about the Cold War and Gorbachev in the late 80’s?”

Ummm . . . in the late 80’s all I was thinking about was finding the perfect metallic blue eyeliner, hoping my parents would allow me to go to prom with my older boyfriend, and sort of researching colleges.

I remember hearing about the Cold War and Gorbachev, but current events . . . SO not my thing, then and now!

This is a problem for my 14 year old son, he thinks I am ignorant (I can see it in the mystified looks he gives me and I can hear it in his voice, when he says “really mom, you don’t know about . . .”).

He is amazingly well read and passionate about what is going on in our world right now, and I am not exaggerating when I say HE KNOWS ABOUT IT ALL . . . yet he just can’t wrap his head around the fact that his very own mom DOESN’T know it all.

So this is what has been swirling around in my mind lately:

“I AM ignorant and out of touch.”

“I should be reading the AP news every single day.”

“I should stop listening to my books on Audible and start listening to NPR more often.”

“I will never be able to connect with my son again.”

“He will always think I am dumb.”

Shitty, right?

Painful thoughts, “I should” instead of “I choose,” and assumptions that just make me want to avoid conversing with my son all together . . . and that is definitively NOT who I am as a mom.

To be the mom I KNOW I am . . .
it’s time to get real!
(Part three of Bliss Element #2)

To me, getting real means . . .

embracing your true self
listening to what your body is telling you
knowing what makes you tick
accepting your weaknesses
living your core desires and values
not worrying about what others think
nurturing sincere relationships

Author Brene Brown states in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Getting real means you embrace your true self, choosing courage and connection with others over what anyone else thinks.”

So I am gathering up my courage and connecting with my son in ways that are real and true for me as a mom.

So far, this is what it looks like . . .

I am choosing to read the news on my AP app every few days and listen to NPR to stay informed, while still maintaining healthy boundaries . . . because let’s be honest, the news is fucking depressing!

I am reminding myself of my many “superpowers” that I am damn proud of, and making sure my son knows how much he benefits from them!

I am accepting my weaknesses . . . my MANY weaknesses, and working on asking for help when needed. If I don’t understand something my son is talking about, I ask questions . . . ignoring the teen eye roll and my feelings of ignorance.

I am creating moments when my son can talk to his older brother and dad about what is going on in the world, while I listen and learn . . . family dinners are prime time for this!

I am finding ways to connect with my son that DO NOT involve current events . . . making breakfast for him, talking about the newest game he just downloaded, playing with our dog Kate together, enjoying the Sirius XM 40’s Jazz channel while in the car, helping him pack for his music camp next week.

Getting real is strengthening my connection with my son AND with myself.

He does enjoy spending time with me . . . especially if there is food involved!

I am willing to be a bit more informed about current events . . . so we have another way to connect. I think he was quite impressed when I knew about the election upset in the UK this morning . . . THANK YOU NPR!

I feel like my true “mom self” when I focus on being real.

Getting real means . . .

embracing your true self
listening to what your body is telling you
knowing what makes you tick
accepting your weaknesses
living your core desires and values
not worrying about what others think
nurturing sincere relationships

What will you do today to get real??
(Send me an email . . . I would love to hear about it!)

xo,
amy

We’ve all been there . . . standing on the sidelines of our son’s football game, making a quick run into the market to grab dinner food, saying goodbye to our kiddos at school drop off . . . and up walks “so and so” asking for your help with . . .

Collecting donations for the annual school fundraiser (UGH).

Baking 10 dozen brownies for the music department bake sale (can’t I just write a check).

Meeting their niece for coffee who is interested in becoming a life coach.

Watching their kids this weekend.

Hosting the next book club (which is tomorrow night).

Our knee jerk reaction is usually “yes, yes, of course, no problem!”

We as human beings have this instinctual need for connection to others, and by saying “no,” we worry it will break this bond and we will lose our connections! Plus, we don’t want “so and so” to think we are a total bitch!

Women especially have been socialized to feel responsible for the feelings and well being of those around us, so we say yes WAY to much and then we get pissed and resentful and depressed and EXHAUSTED!

Sound familiar??? Yeah . . . I’m right there with you!

Remember . . . when you say “yes” to something, it means you are saying “no” to something else and if I know my tribe as well as I think I do . . . that “something else” is YOU and YOUR time.

When you say “no” to something that doesn’t give you joy or bring value to your life, you are saying YES to nourishing yourself and taking care of you! HELL YES!!!

The word “no” is so small and simple, yet it can be very difficult to choke out at times . . . so let’s practice together.

It is time to become comfortable with the word “no.” Welcome her to your kitchen table. Sit with her for a bit. See how she feels and sounds. Get to know her. She is not a bitch, I promise . . . in fact, she may become your new best friend!

So how do you get better at saying “no” so you can be an awesome human being??

#1 Start Small

Practice saying “no” in low stakes settings. “No, I don’t want an item from the bakery for 99 cents.” “No, I don’t want to sign up for your credit card.” Set a goal for yourself . . . committing to say “no” twice a day for the next month, 5 times this week, etc. Make sure it feels doable and then stick with it.

#2 Have a “go to” phrase and keep it short

It’s hard to say “no” at any time but on the spot is near impossible! So have a response ready to go, “Thank you so much for thinking of me but I have dedicated my time to other commitments for now.” Short and sweet! No need to ramble on or make excuses, no means no!

#3 Pause

It is perfectly ok (and I’m giving you permission) to say you need some time to think about committing to making soup for 100 people or cutting out 200 stars for the graduation party or being the chair of a local social action committee. When you pause and give yourself time to think about saying yes or no, you are able to clearly decide if saying yes is aligned with your values and what you stand for. If it is, then go for it! Say YES and enjoy cutting out those 200 stars while binging on Netflix. If the answer is no, be ok with that and move on.

#4 Shift from “I can’t” to “I don’t”

This shift suggests you saying “no” is based on your core values and your strongly held position and NOT something personal. I don’t solicit for donations (I have always hated doing this, so I just say no) but I WILL cut out those 200 stars, make signs and create centerpieces, that is a “yes” I am always willing to do.

#5 Don’t White Lie

It’s tempting to tell a little white lie, especially to protect others feelings, but you WILL get caught . . . social media makes this pretty much a guarantee. Plus, lying never feels good no matter how small.

#6 Don’t forget to say “no” to your shitty mind chatter

Say “no” to the guilt you feel for reading in the middle of the day. Say “no” to the mean things you are thinking about your thighs. Say “no” to the “I should be doing this or that.” thought that is always on repeat.

Ok my beautiful tribe . . . your action steps for this week:

Really become clear about what is important in your life, what brings you joy and what you value . . . then spend time doing those things first.
Decide how many times you will consciously say “no” this week to others or yourself and follow through!
Begin practicing the 6 ways to become better at saying no. If 6 seems to overwhelming, then just say “no” and start with 3! Do what feels right for you!

Say “no” more often to nourish yourself, do more of what you love and just feel damn good so you can kick butt as a human being!

xo,
amy

Happy Friday My Beautiful Tribe!

It is a sunny “springish” day here in Vermont . . . and my garden is calling my name!

My day lilies are just popping out of the cold soil, my sedums are showing their pretty faces and even my forsythia is beginning to trust the warmth of the sun! I CAN NOT WAIT to get my hands dirty and finally begin to smell spring!

Gardening is something that nourishes me deeply. It requires all of me . . . my strong body, my creative mind and my nourishing spirit. I am proud of the fact that I always take time to get into my garden! (Even with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry in the dryer, dust balls floating around my bedroom floor and unfinished client emails.)

As I create this program AND live it . . . I have discovered that taking time is a bit more involved (in a good way, I promise) than just giving yourself 5 minutes of “me time” a day.

Taking time also means . . .

saying no

getting real

being grateful

sleeping well

showing up

Whew . . . it’s a lot to think about!! Nourishing your beautiful self so you can kick butt as a human being is hard work! (I never said it was going to be easy.) BUT 100% worth it, so hang in there lovies!

So this week, let’s chat about “part one” of Bliss Element #2 . . . Taking Time.

Take time doing more of what you love! Creating time for YOU prevents you from living life by default (constantly reacting to what is important to everyone else rather than what is important to you). Take the time to make yourself a priority and go for that run, have lunch with your bestie or enjoy that glass of wine on your front porch.

Remember that “overwhelm” is usually in your head. Most of us truly believe that there isn’t enough time to take time for ourselves! We feel overwhelmed with our never ending “to do” lists, our work demands, the dinner party we are dreading or the spring cleaning we promised ourselves to finish this weekend! I’ll let you in on a secret . . . overwhelm isn’t real! It’s usually a sign that you are not clear about your priorities. So go back to clarifying what you love to do, what nourishes your spirit and just DO IT!

SCHEDULE your YOU time. Put it in your calendar, write it on your to do list, post it on Facebook and ask your “friends” to keep you accountable, put a sticky note on your steering wheel, hire me as your coach! Whatever it takes to make sure you take time for yourself to kick butt as a human being!

Be ok with just taking things off your “to do” list (I know, that’s scary for me too) AND asking for help! Even Superwoman asked for help . . . and you can too! Your spouse, partner, or kiddo may not sweep out the garage as perfectly as you do 🙂 . . . but now you are sitting on the couch reading your book because you asked for help to make time for YOU. Delightful!!

Lastly . . . I am here to tell you that you DESERVE to take time for yourself! I am giving you permission to take as much time as you need to nourish your gorgeous self because this world needs as many beautiful and healthy human beings as possible . . . and you are one of them!

Your action step for this week is to choose one or two things that you love to do . . . something that brings you joy and makes you sparkle! Now open your date book, or your calendar app or your weekly “to do” list and schedule yourself in. Don’t use a pencil or put it in parenthesis . . . use a pen or your favorite colored marker, put it in all CAPS with lots of exclamation points!!! Make YOU a priority . . . no more excuses . . . it’s time to take time.

xo,
amy

SO . . . how did you do last week?

Did you listen to me and make yourself a priority?

Did you listen to what your body and spirit were whispering to you? (She WILL tell you exactly what she needs.)

OR . . . did you convince yourself that, “I’ll take care of myself AFTER . . .” the toilets are scrubbed, phone calls made, errands completed, work emails written, garage swept and dog disinfected? And then the “taking care of yourself” part never happened, because you were just too damn tired.

Yeah, I get that.

I’m here to tell you . . . it’s OK if you’re having a hard time putting yourself first on your “to do” list. It takes practice and patience to nourish yourself and make yourself a priority!

Some days nourishing yourself will feel easy and natural, other times you will fall flat on your face in a puddle of your never ending “to do” lists, commitments and piles of laundry.

Don’t worry . . . I won’t let you stay down there for long, I’m here to help!

Let’s talk about how to kick ass as a human being through my first Bliss Element . . . loving yourself.

Loving yourself can look like . . .

Allowing yourself to be ok with where you are right now.

Letting go of the self judgement and “mean girl” mind chatter.

Thanking your beautiful body for getting you through the day (fat thighs and all).

Learning how to create your own joy.

Honoring your daily rituals that keep your eyes shining brightly and your feet grounded.

How to love yourself can look like . . .

Savoring that first cup of coffee in the morning, instead of gulping it down while hustling everyone out the door.

Getting yourself to your morning spin class even though you are disgusted with yourself for eating a bag of potato chips last night.

Forgiving yourself for eating that bag of potato chips last night, and knowing you can always push the “reset” button!

Allowing yourself a few moments to take some deep breaths to clear your head and settle your spirit (you can do this even while you wait in the school pick up line or on a conference call).

Shutting AND locking the bathroom door (it’s ok to love yourself enough to do your business alone)!

Being good company to yourself (no “mean girl” mind chatter).

Making a list of 10 things you genuinely like about yourself (I think you’ll be surprised).

I could go on and on (I’ve barely scratched the surface) but I think you get the idea!

If you are craving more . . . stay tuned for details about my “Virtual Gathering” coming up in May: “Just BE . . . The Five Bliss Elements that will Help you Kick Butt as a Human Being!”

So my beautiful tribe . . . what will you do this week to love yourself a bit more??

This is what I’m doing . . .

Spin class, spin class and more spin class.

NOT stepping on the scale everyday.

Patting myself on the back for making time to write to my beautiful tribe!

Reading a book before bed then turning out the light early.

Enjoying the croissants my son makes without feeling guilty about the calories.

Believing that I am doing the best that I can in this moment.

Let me know what you are doing to love yourself. My favorite part of the day is seeing my beautiful tribe in my inbox . . . so don’t be shy!

xo,
amy

The other night I found myself deep into a bag of Cadbury Eggs mindlessly scrolling through Facebook . . . and before I knew it, that damn bag of chocolate eggs was empty!

I don’t even really like chocolate, but somehow I had managed to digest a bazillion calories in less than 5 minutes and did I mention it was 9 o clock at night! WTF??

As I came out of my sugar induced brain fog and realized what had just happened, I immediately began berating myself for my Chocolate Egg Craziness as I shamefully hid the empty candy bag DEEP into the trash can!

My “mean girl mind chatter” sounded something like this, “Really Amy, you have NO self control.” “What were you thinking, you know better.” “You’re a fraud!” “You suck.”

I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. And the worst part was going to bed with a stomachache!

Thank goodness for my 6 am spin class the next morning. I was able to quiet my “mean girl mind chatter” a bit, reset my body and think about WHY I emptied that chocolate egg bag in record time last night.

The “ah ha moment” came to me in the middle of a Stevie Nicks song . . . I am not nourishing myself enough!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks – good busy – life is full and I love that, but it also means I tend to put myself at the bottom of my “to do” list (and let’s be honest, do we EVER get down to the bottom of our “to do” lists)??

Boys need to be driven to music gigs, bills need to be paid, summer camp forms need to be filled out, teenagers need to be nudged to schedule college interviews, clients need to feel the love and OMG . . . I have to cook dinner again???

Sound familiar? Where do you put yourself on your “to do” list?

So it’s time to revisit what “nourishing myself” looks like, and I have a hunch all of you beautiful people could use a friendly reminder too! (You’re Welcome)

I truly believe we all need these 5 Bliss Elements in our lives to nourish ourselves and live as kick ass moms, partners, friends, and human beings . . .

love yourself – take time – eat well

move now – clear out

These 5 Bliss Elements will look different for each of us, and I realize that life gets busy and messy . . . so maybe not all 5 elements will show up in “imperfect harmony” all of the time . . . and that’s OK!

But what I DO realize is that when we take care of ourselves, when we attempt to put ourselves at the top of our “to do” list (most of the time), we ROCK our lives!

We are stronger, healthier and clearer.

Our eyes shine bright, our cheeks glow and our feet stay grounded.

Our days feel more in flow and the bumps and messes of our life don’t throw us off balance as much.

We are blissed out!

So my lovies, I have a plan!!

For the next month or so, I will be sharing lots of juicy insight about each of my Bliss Elements. What works for me, what doesn’t, “ah ha” moments from my clients, ideas and views I have collected over the years from books, articles, other fabulous life coaches and writers.

I have binders bursting with amazing content that I can’t wait to share with you . . . so stayed tuned!

For now, ask yourself, “Where do I put ME on my to do list? Am I nourishing myself enough? At all? What needs to change?”

Then . . . make yourself a priority AT LEAST once this week. Take a nap instead of folding the laundry (the kiddos will survive without their favorite t-shirt). Sign up for a fitness class, put it in your calendar and actually GO to it! Enjoy your iced coffee while sitting in a patch of sunshine for 10 minutes. Get take out for dinner (you can thank me later)!!

xo,
amy