The other day my son came into the kitchen and asked me: “What did you think about the Cold War and Gorbachev in the late 80’s?”
Ummm . . . in the late 80’s all I was thinking about was finding the perfect metallic blue eyeliner, hoping my parents would allow me to go to prom with my older boyfriend, and sort of researching colleges.
I remember hearing about the Cold War and Gorbachev, but current events . . . SO not my thing, then and now!
This is a problem for my 14 year old son, he thinks I am ignorant (I can see it in the mystified looks he gives me and I can hear it in his voice, when he says “really mom, you don’t know about . . .”).
He is amazingly well read and passionate about what is going on in our world right now, and I am not exaggerating when I say HE KNOWS ABOUT IT ALL . . . yet he just can’t wrap his head around the fact that his very own mom DOESN’T know it all.
So this is what has been swirling around in my mind lately:
“I AM ignorant and out of touch.”
“I should be reading the AP news every single day.”
“I should stop listening to my books on Audible and start listening to NPR more often.”
“I will never be able to connect with my son again.”
“He will always think I am dumb.”
Shitty, right?
Painful thoughts, “I should” instead of “I choose,” and assumptions that just make me want to avoid conversing with my son all together . . . and that is definitively NOT who I am as a mom.
To be the mom I KNOW I am . . .
it’s time to get real!
(Part three of Bliss Element #2)
To me, getting real means . . .
embracing your true self
listening to what your body is telling you
knowing what makes you tick
accepting your weaknesses
living your core desires and values
not worrying about what others think
nurturing sincere relationships
Author Brene Brown states in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Getting real means you embrace your true self, choosing courage and connection with others over what anyone else thinks.”
So I am gathering up my courage and connecting with my son in ways that are real and true for me as a mom.
So far, this is what it looks like . . .
I am choosing to read the news on my AP app every few days and listen to NPR to stay informed, while still maintaining healthy boundaries . . . because let’s be honest, the news is fucking depressing!
I am reminding myself of my many “superpowers” that I am damn proud of, and making sure my son knows how much he benefits from them!
I am accepting my weaknesses . . . my MANY weaknesses, and working on asking for help when needed. If I don’t understand something my son is talking about, I ask questions . . . ignoring the teen eye roll and my feelings of ignorance.
I am creating moments when my son can talk to his older brother and dad about what is going on in the world, while I listen and learn . . . family dinners are prime time for this!
I am finding ways to connect with my son that DO NOT involve current events . . . making breakfast for him, talking about the newest game he just downloaded, playing with our dog Kate together, enjoying the Sirius XM 40’s Jazz channel while in the car, helping him pack for his music camp next week.
Getting real is strengthening my connection with my son AND with myself.
He does enjoy spending time with me . . . especially if there is food involved!
I am willing to be a bit more informed about current events . . . so we have another way to connect. I think he was quite impressed when I knew about the election upset in the UK this morning . . . THANK YOU NPR!
I feel like my true “mom self” when I focus on being real.
Getting real means . . .
embracing your true self
listening to what your body is telling you
knowing what makes you tick
accepting your weaknesses
living your core desires and values
not worrying about what others think
nurturing sincere relationships
What will you do today to get real??
(Send me an email . . . I would love to hear about it!)
xo,
amy
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