{finding connections anyway I can}
Sometimes {Ok, I’ll admit . . . most of the time} I struggle connecting with my two boys.
I’m attached to what I think “connecting with my boys” should look like . . .
Friday night dance parties.
{those stopped when Sam realized he was really good at dancing}
Board games where no ones feelings get hurt.
{yeah right}
Deep conversations while driving in the car.
{damn ear buds}
Filling me in about their day while enjoying a homemade snack.
{boys don’t talk . . . sigh}
Long hours playing UNO . . . laughing, sharing, relaxing.
{it’s usually me who gets bored with this first}
Eating dinner together for longer than 10 minutes.
{hungry boys eat fast}
I ADORE my boys . . . and honestly LOVE spending time with them, they are really cool human beings!
But I still struggle with what our “spending time together” looks like . . .
Is it enough?
Is it the right way?
Am I a good mom?
Maybe a new board game will help?
Am I interesting enough?
What else can I do?
Are they bored with me?
None of these questions help . . . trust me . . . I’ve been asking the same damn questions for years!
What I am finally figuring out . . . is that the more I RELAX and DETACH from what I THINK my connection with my boys “should” look like . . . the more connected I FEEL to my two boys! BAM!
Let me say that again . . . relax – detach – feel more connected!!!
This hasn’t come easy for me.
It’s hard to detach from the “shoulds!”
So I practice . . . every single day.
I am working on finding connections in the “little things” . . .
A passing hug in the kitchen before dinner.
Sam sharing something he read on StumbleUpon.
Sitting next to Jacob on the couch while he is playing Xbox.
My boys saying “I love you” at random moments.
Being open to a chat in their beds late night, with the lights off.
Sam letting me hold his hand while driving in the car.
Being willing to sit shot gun in my PJ’s while Jacob practices driving at 9:00pm.
A shared laugh and high five as we run out the door to school in the morning.
With this awareness, our connections are way more relaxed, organic, easy.
Sometimes a bit unconventional, and not necessarily how I want to connect . . . but I’m working on that!
I am keeping an open mind, letting go of my “shoulds” and enjoying my boys anyway I can get them!
So . . . when I was driving my son Sam to dance class this afternoon and he said, “Bleach or Unplugged” and I actually KNEW what he was asking . . . instant connection!
I picked “Unplugged” and we listened to “Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged Album” {LOUDLY} all the way to dance class . . . together AND connected!
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