I believe in you.

I believe I can make our world a better place by supporting you to nourish yourself inside and out so you can live as kick ass moms, partners, friends and human beings.

I believe this because I live it.

I believe when I nourish myself I am a better human being. When I take care of myself, the bumps and messes of life don’t throw me off balance as much. I work on finding time EVERY-SINGLE-DAY to nourish myself . . . a 20 minute power nap, taking a quick walk, enjoying my iced coffee, some days a sweaty spin class, and sometimes I only have enough energy to nourish myself by washing my face and going to bed early.

I believe you can be blissed out on life in the middle of messiness and imperfection. I still yell at my boys every once in awhile, argue with my husband frequently, eat way too many salt and vinegar potato chips while watching football and sometimes I even skip spin class. I am far from perfect and that is OK! (which is still sometimes hard for me to admit as a recovering perfectionist) It’s ok because even in the middle of an argument or a bag of potato chips, I am still practicing and learning how to nourish myself and it FEELS like my truth.

I believe in being willing to show up in your life in order to make a change.

I believe your thoughts do not define who you are.

I believe that moving your body in a way that feels good is powerful.

I believe clearing your outer surroundings clears your inner self.

I believe in practicing gratitude every single day.

I believe in you.

I believe there is nothing wrong with you.

I believe you are enough right now.

I believe you needed to hear this . . . so listen . . .

Be patient and kind to yourself.
Love yourself and others fiercely.
Be strong and accepting.
Live your truth and be present.
Take a deep breath . . . exhale . . . and believe in you.

xo,
amy

At night, I turn his light on . . . because I can’t stand the darkness of his room.

When I click on his lamp . . . it still takes me by surprise to see his bed made, his floor cleared of clothes and his desk chair empty.

My eyes fill with tears while I attempt to push down the lump in my throat that’s been stuck there for over a month.

I try to ignore the ache I feel in my heart and the physical emptiness that still takes my breath away.

“Dammit Amy, get over it!” “Stop being such a wimp!” “Deal with it and move on!” . . . is what my mind has been saying lately . . . but my heart just isn’t listening.

My oldest son Jacob left for college at the end of August.

He decided to take a HUGE leap from the nest and headed all the way to Portland, Oregon (3,039 miles from here) . . . and HE LOVES IT!!

He has found his people and has hit his stride!

He is surrounded by others who wear chaco sandals, love to hike, camp and snowboard and want to save the environment too!

They head down to Portland most weekends to experience the amazing food trucks (so jealous), hang out by the river and search for the best donuts. My country boy feels right at home in the city and on campus . . . and I am a proud mama!!!

But I still miss him fiercely.

I miss his voice and his hugs.

I miss his face sitting across from me at the dinner table.

I miss his girlfriend and her fiery energy.

I miss his backpack on his hook and the smell of his cologne.

I miss his kindness and love.

I even miss ironing his shirts.

I miss what it felt like to have the 4 of us as a family unit . . . because it has changed . . . drastically.

Not only did Jacob leap graciously across the country for college . . . my other son Sam now drives, independently works through his homeschool curriculum, stays busy playing his music and works 25 hours a week at our local country store.

Who the hell taught these boys to be so mature and independent??

I feel like I have been forced into “early retirement” and to be honest . . . it sucks!

I know, I know . . . my boys still need me and I will ALWAYS be their mom and they will always need me (blah blah blah). But it’s different now . . . and I had NO fucking clue it would be this hard to let go!

To let go of what is . . .

familiar
comfortable
natural
normal

To let go of . . .

who I am
my purpose
my job
my identity

I am tired of feeling this way.

I am tired of the ache in my heart and the lump in my throat.

I am tired of feeling sorry for myself.

And I am tired of whining about it.

I’ve given myself time to grieve the loss of what “used to be,” the quietness of my home, and the loneliness . . . so enough is enough, right???

Time to move on, get going with the rest of my life, redefine myself, embrace the change, rediscover my relationships, celebrate all my free time, focus on me me me!!

Well . . . I’m giving all of that . . . THE FINGER!

Because the more I try to force myself to “embrace the change, move on and redefine myself” . . . the more I just want to crawl into bed with my iced coffee (lots of sugar added) and/or my glass of wine to binge watch my “Canadian horse show” on Netflix.

So I am trying to be patient with myself and ALLOW these feelings to stick around as long as they need to.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s awkward.

It’s painful.

But it’s necessary.

Forcing ourselves to feel differently than we do just because we think we SHOULD “get over it, and move on” never works. It just doesn’t.

So I am allowing my heart to ache when I sit down to dinner without Jacob.

I am honoring the lump in my throat when I notice his empty coat hook.

I let my tears flow after we FaceTime with him each Sunday because I miss him so damn much but also because I’m relieved to see him thriving out there on the West Coast.

Allowing these emotions to flow through me is making space for new experiences and traditions without it feeling forced or needy.

I don’t have this all figured out yet (have you noticed that seems to be a reoccurring theme for me) . . . but I do feel myself exhaling a bit more, relaxing into my “new normal” and being open to what may come next . . . and that’s a good thing.

What are you forcing?

What feels uncomfortable, awkward or painful?

What are you trying not to feel?

Lean into it . . . allow it . . . feel it and let it flow through you.

The only path you can take is straight through that discomfort, pain and messiness of your life so you CAN feel relief on the other side.

Give it a try . . . it works . . . I promise.

I still turn Jacob’s bedroom lamp on every evening . . . and I still miss him fiercely. But now I smile a bit more, tear up a bit less and I think that lump in my throat is slowly getting smaller.

xo,
amy

I’m back!! Did you miss me?? I sure as hell missed me!!

It’s been a shit show over here for the past few months.

Nothing major . . . from the outside . . . my life is looking JUST FINE!

I am healthy – my boys are healthy – I have a loving spouse who is pretty damn cute and thinks I am too – I live in a beautiful home with food on the table and running water – and I have friends and a sister who always seem to be there when I need them.

I still go to the market – do the laundry – keep the house fairly clean – pay bills – organize my endless lists – move my boys through their days with lots of love – volunteer – work with my clients . . .

BUT my life is running me.

I feel like I am constantly stomping out fires – just to watch another flare up . . . and another . . . and another!

The fires are always small (see above at how good my life is).

Sometimes just smoldering coals.

But they are constant and I never feel like I can “catch up” (stomping them all out and thinking . . . “I got this, job well done.”)

Just so you know . . .

I don’t expect to cross everything off my list or have an empty inbox.

I realize that there is always something to buy at the market (I live with 3 BIG boys).

I’ve come to terms with the never ending laundry pile and the dirty floors (hello mud season).

I have a list of things I want to learn (the piano is collecting dust), read (the book basket is full) and write about, and I am ok with that.

What I am not ok with . . . is this feeling of my life running me!

Feeling scattered and ungrounded and off balance ALL THE DAMN TIME!

So I started cleaning.

You may think I am just distracting myself from the REAL shit that “needs” to get done . . . but cleaning is my “meditation” . . . my way of being completely present with what I am doing right now.

I don’t talk.

I don’t think.

I just do.

My mind chatter quiets, my endorphins kick in (I know, I’m weird . . . but cleaning gives me that feel good glow) and sometimes I even break a sweat! It’s a win-win-win!

My point . . .

When you feel like life is running you . . . when you can’t seem to keep up with all those flare ups (positive and negative) . . . find your “meditation.”

It DOES NOT need to involve sitting in an uncomfortable position burning incense that makes you sneeze (unless that’s your thing . . . then go for it girl)!

It DOES NOT need to be hours of being still, trying to ignore all your mind chatter and feeling like shit because all you can think about is the pile of paperwork on your desk.

And it certainly DOES NOT need to involve a vacuum and trash bags (that’s just my thing)!

Find something that quiets YOU . . . reading a book – taking a walk – locking yourself in the bathroom – deep breaths while in the school pickup line (quiet cars can be a mom’s best friend) – yoga – a glass of wine on your front porch – a sweaty spin class (that is a favorite one of mine).

It doesn’t have to take up too much time . . . 10 minutes is enough . . . I promise.

I haven’t really figured out why I’ve felt like my life has been a “shit show” lately and that’s tough for me . . . because I’m a “figure outer.”

I have decided not to worry about it, and just let it go.

Life gets messy sometimes, and it’s ok not to know WHY!

So whether you are right in the middle of your mess or you are feeling grounded, “in flow” and on top of your shit . . . find the time to honor your quiet and stillness.

10 minutes of your “meditation” can be kick ass powerful and you DESERVE to feel powerful, my beautiful tribe (like you can conquer the world . . . or at least conquer that pile of dishes in your sink )!!

xo,
amy

To be perfectly honest . . . the month of January has sucked for me.

The bitter cold has forced me inside while wearing layers of clothing that are so damn unattractive! (Have you ever tried feeling sexy when you have “hat head,” wool socks pulled up to your knees and a down vest with food stains all over it because you can’t bear to take it off to wash)??

The aftermath of a hectic and stressful holiday with my family has settled into my body, allowing a nasty virus to take over and leave me tired, unproductive and bitchy!

I still can’t seem to find the datebook I crave (yes, I still like to write things down) after three trips to Staples! Without the perfect date book, I can’t plan my year and set my goals and get organized and begin checking off tasks and crossing out “to do” lists . . . and this just makes me more bitchy!

With this damn virus invading me, my exercise schedule is all off, and that is TRAGIC!

And all I seem to be craving is toast with peanut butter!! A LOT OF PEANUT BUTTER!

I feel ungrounded, off balanced and just fucking “off” . . . . so needless to say, this is NOT how I envisioned my “fresh new year” to begin.

*sigh*

Today though . . . I am confident that I slayed my virus with a shit load of Bio Vegetarian supplements, water and rest.

It’s not as cold this week, so I’ve enjoyed the fresh air and the birds singing. I still have “hat head” BUT I have washed my down vest and got a pedicure (sexy toes are always nourishing).

I’m getting back on track with my exercise schedule and even popped out of bed at 5 am (no snooze button) for my “Hip Hop Wednesday Spin Class” Thank you Sarah for motivating me to get my butt on that spin bike!

I have been writing in my gratitude journal almost daily, I am following a “habits chart” created by Gretchen Rubin, and best of all . . . I have discovered a datebook that I am IN LOVE with and it’s only been in my possession for 20 hours! It’s called the Panda Planner and it is everything “life coachy” and more! Check it out at pandaplanner.com

I have checked in with my core desires, I am working on different aspects of mindfulness, I am attempting to meditate daily (ok . . . maybe every other day) and I created my wall of quotes/inspiration/reminders that keep me grounded and true (I knew I would find a use for that cute washi tape I’ve had in my drawer for months)!

So my January isn’t sucking as much any more, and I am grateful for that.

How are you feeling??

What has your January looked like so far??

Sometimes it just doesn’t “flow” the way we want it to . . . and that is totally ok.

Here are a few words of wisdom to perhaps help you feel more in “flow” . . .

be gentle with yourself

rest

let go of expectations

drink water

surround yourself with those you love

get a pedicure

rest some more

be patient with your body

buy fresh flowers

nourish yourself with healthy food

find the perfect datebook

be kind

buy soft tissues

don’t settle for less

believe that that you deserve more

love love love

xo,
amy

It’s that time of the year when your bins of holiday decorations explode all over your family room floor, your “to do” lists cover your desk for days and days, and your family calendar hanging on the fridge has no more room to schedule another thing!!

Don’t get me wrong, the lit trees, glowing menorahs, fun advent calendars and cookie exchanges are festive and joyful, yet it can also feel crowded, cluttered and overwhelming in your home and within YOU . . . and there is nothing festive or joyful about that!

It’s time to do some clearing and decluttering . . . inside and out!

“Clearing Out” is my 5th Bliss Element.

For those of you that are paying attention . . . I jumped ahead, skipping Bliss Element #3 and #4 for now. I’ve jumped ahead because I had a “moment” yesterday and I bet some of you are going through the exact same thing!!

With the addition of two Christmas trees, 3 menorahs and several decorations . . . I just felt completely overwhelmed and irritated with all the SHIT in my house.

So I began asking myself what “shit” brought me joy and peace and what “shit” was I just hanging onto because I got a good deal at Homegood’s or my mom gave it to me a decade ago, and I felt guilty about getting rid of it!

I focused on one area of my home, a bookshelf that divides my kitchen from my family room. I spent less than an hour clearing, reorganizing and even pulling out the spray paint to change the color scheme . . . and it felt amazingly BLISSFUL!

I want you to feel blissful this holiday season too! So I am sharing a blog I wrote a few years ago about clearing and surrounding yourself with joy (and that DOESN’T mean buying more stuff)!

I hope my musing helps to bring joy, calm and peace into your home and within YOU during this busy and blissful holiday season . . .

I actually get butterflies in my stomach when I think about cleaning out a drawer, or organizing my files.

I look forward to clearing out a closet . . . and LOVE dumping the bulging bag into the back of my car and whisking it away to donate.

It actually gives me goosebumps to open up that closet after it’s been cleared, and admire the kick ass job I did! Job well done, thank you very much!

I can feel myself exhale and my heart rate slow when my paperwork is organized, files are put away, and my “get to do” list is created and ready to go.

Clearing is my superpower . . . and I’m not ashamed to admit that.

In fact . . . I am damn proud of it.

When I clean up and clear out I feel . . .

relaxed

alive

healthy

free

bright

calm

joyful

blissful

I am a better mom, wife, friend, coach and human being when I am surrounded by clear spaces, clean rooms, organized lists and only those things that bring me joy {yes, my lists even bring me joy because I have this really cute “to do” book I get to use}. See how that works . . . even my “to do” book is joyful!

Marie Kondo would agree. In her new book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up she writes, “Being surrounded by things that spark joy makes you happy. Once you have experienced what it’s like to have a truly ordered house, you’ll feel your whole world brighten.”

I know clearing out isn’t for everyone, and striving for a “truly ordered house” may make you want you to vomit. (Hire me as your clearing coach and I can help with that!!)

But I also know that a lot of you get frustrated with your cluttered drawers, piles of papers that just won’t go away, closets that are bulging with clothes that don’t fit anymore and just general shit everywhere.

It’s hard to relax and enjoy life when crap surrounds you and threatens to take over!

I also know that it can be truly paralyzing to even think about cleaning up and clearing out . . . so where do you start?

Start with joy.

Go to one area in your home and pick up one item . . . and then ask yourself . . .

“Does this spark joy for me?”

If the answer is NO . . . then just begin clearing.

Don’t worry about “going big” right now, just begin with this one simple question:

“Does this bring me joy?”

See what happens.

Pay attention to how you feel afterwards.

And then make sure you ENJOY your life as you begin to surround yourself with things that spark joy for you!

Who knows . . . you may end up looking forward to cleaning out a drawer and getting goosebumps from a cleared closet . . . welcome to the club!!!

xo,
amy