What am I making it mean?

My 13th year old son is not a fan of showers. He tolerates them about 3 times a week . . . and up until 6 months ago, that worked for him and me.

But now puberty has hit hard . . . and he seems greasy ALL THE TIME.
It’s driving me crazy!

I cringe when I look at his hair.
I’m embarrassed when we are out in the world for all to see his shiny head of hair {and I don’t mean the good kind of shiny}.
I am relieved when his greasy head is covered by the hood of his sweatshirt.
And I actually do a happy dance when I hear the shower running in his bathroom.

I know I know . . . I am TOTALLY in his business about this and I am COMPLETELY making it mean something.

“What the hell, how can he be so lazy that he won’t even take a shower.”
“I raised him better than this!”
“OMG . . . everyone thinks I am a terrible mom, I can’t even get my son to wash his damn hair.”
“There’s Sam . . . that weird home schooled kid that never showers or leaves the house.”
“He will never be clean again and he will live in my basement for the rest of his life.”

So . . . in my heart, I know none of the above are remotely true . . . duh . . . he is an awesome human being and I’m a pretty kick ass mom.

But . . . in my head, Sam’s greasy hair blurs my clarity and smears my confidence, getting me all tangled up in those shitty thoughts and embarrassing emotions.

Here’s how I’m working on getting untangled.

#1: I am giving those shitty thoughts and embarrassing emotions permission to sit with me for a bit. Not for too long, but long enough that those thoughts begin to lose their power and I begin to gain my clarity back.

#2: I am picking my battles. Does it really matter if Sam’s hair is greasy? Um . . . no! What matters is that he still wants to cuddle with me at night and tells me he loves me as he jumps out of the car to get to one of his music lessons.

#3: I ask myself “Amy, what are you making this mean?” and the more I ask, the less I cringe or feel embarrassed or defeated. The awareness around “what I am making it mean” helps take the “sting” out of it, and sometimes even gives me a good laugh!

So what is all tangled up in your life right now?
And what are you making it mean?
It could be something big like you just lost your job, or it could be something a bit smaller, like your husband didn’t carry the basket of laundry up the stairs{again}!

It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small . . . it’s still feels shitty
because you are making it mean something!

So sit with those shitty thoughts for a bit, make sure to pick your battles and let the other stuff go, and then ask yourself, “What am I making it mean?” The answer will surprise you!