I work hard every single day
as a mom . wife . life coach . writer . volunteer . friend . . .

I work damn hard.
And I am good at what I do.

I am also good at taking time for me.

Some may call this selfish . . . let them.
I love that word, and in my opinion,
we all need a little more selfishness in our lives!

The definition my handy dictionary app came up with for selfish:

adj – concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others

is somewhat misleading and negative.

Here is MY way more positive, clear and beautiful definition of selfish:

Being good to yourself.
Taking time for you.
Making yourself top priority.
Embracing who you are.
Being your own biggest fan.
Believing in yourself.
Showing up to your life.
Buying yourself a new pair of shoes dammit!

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

I love my life.
I am blessed.
I am not lucky, I am present.
I set my intentions.
I show up in my life.
I make it happen.
And . . . I am selfish.

This is what my selfish looks like:

I find time to exercise . . . this is a big one!
I love to meet my friends for coffee or lunch . . . my favorite.
I treat myself to a haircut, a manicure, a facial . . . and I feel good!
I say goodnight to my boys early, so I can climb into bed with my fav book.
I shop for beautiful things to add to my home or my wardrobe . . . a lot!
I treat myself to a green smoothie at my favorite health food store . . . sooo delish.

Sounds nice, huh?
But I won’t lie to you . . . there is a catch.
And my hunch is that many of you can relate.

Sometimes I have a lot of guilt around . . . being selfish!!!

Even though I did 15 loads of laundry, went to the market twice, worked with 2 clients, signed 5 permission slips, chauffeured my kids to their activities for 3 hours, paid the bills, walked the dog, cooked dinner, AND managed to find time to workout and shop for new couch pillows . . . guilt still grabs me, catches me off guard and hisses, “What do you mean you took time for yourself to workout and shop for pillows?”

Guilt finds a way in.
It creeps into my thoughts.
Wraps itself around me until I feel stuck.
Whispers in my ear, “Who do you think you are?” “Why are you so selfish?” “It’s not about you, it’s about your kids, your husband, your job, your commitments, your duties!”

I don’t like guilt
It’s needy
It’s ugly
It’s controlling

And most of the time, I kick guilt to the curb.
But sometimes, it gets the best of me.
And that’s ok.

I say hello.
I acknowledge his presence.
And then I turn around and walk the other way, done.

Guilt loves to make selfish feel dirty.
He wants you to think selfish is a “four letter” word.
Damn him!

But that doesn’t mean you can’t kick guilt to the curb.
Be a bit selfish every now and then.
It’s all good . . . I promise!

The thing is . . .
being selfish makes me a kick ass
mom . wife . life coach . friend

It gives me a chance to exhale and reset reset reset.
It sends me juicy love and clarity.
I feel crazy good and bounce around with green smoothie energy.
I conquer those damn mountains, or at least the mountain of laundry.
I am just plain ready. Bring it!

You can be kick ass too!

You just need to find your “selfish.”
What does it look like?

When you choose to be “selfish”
You will kick butt.
You will look smokin’.
You will rock this world.
You will live on the edge.
You will be totally true to you.

You DESERVE some selfishness in your life. Try it today.

AND

Repeat after me . . .

“Selfish” is NOT a dirty word!

NEVER thought I would say that.

My relationship with my thighs has always been rocky.

Even when my thighs were younger, I never liked them.

I didn’t like them in a swimsuit, pink ballet tights, a leotard, jeans, shorts, even my wedding dress and I STILL don’t like them . . .

They should be thinner.
They should look like everyone else’s.
They shouldn’t have so much cellulite.
They should just be better.

Not a fan of my thighs.

But I AM a fan of Beyonce . . . and the way she rocked her thighs during the Superbowl Halftime show has given me a new found respect for MY thighs.

BAM!

I am woman, here me roar with my rockin’ thighs! That’s all I could think of while watching Beyonce strutting around the stage . . .

big
beautiful
bold

I am not quite there yet, don’t think I will EVER put my thighs back in a leotard . . . but I am getting closer to rockin’ my thighs.

And this is how I am doing it . . .

EVERY single day I am sending my thighs love . . . or at least “like”.

Some days it’s a whole lotta love.
Other days it’s a struggle to find anything I even like about my damn thighs!

This is what it looks like . . .

“Thank you thighs, I’m impressed . . . you got me down that icy hill on my snowboard without letting me fall on my butt, and I actually had fun!”

“I love to dance, and you (thighs) have always been right there with me . . . that deserves some love.”

Yesterday I was grumpy and felt fat . . . I was so “done” by the end of the day, and just wanted to crawl into bed to watch Downton Abbey. . . hadn’t sent my thighs anything yet, so . . . “Thank you thighs for carrying me upstairs to my cozy bed!”

Your turn.

Think of a part of YOU that you have always had a rocky relationship with.
Send it some love and see what happens.

Instead of constantly hating your
thighs
stomach
butt
arms
brain
hair
boobs
feet . . . I could go on and on

Just STOP
take a breath
and find something to love about that rocky relationship . . . if I can do it, YOU can!

Repeat
Everyday

You will begin to hate that part less . . . and it may even turn into a friendship.
Or at least some sort of relationship that isn’t so rocky.
Those painful thoughts around that part of you WILL begin to relax and unwind.

And that can only lead to big, beautiful, bold days!

My thighs may never rock a leather leotard, fishnet stockings and boots, and THAT’S OK . . . but they look damn good in my new yoga pants! Ahhh . . .true like.

At least for today.

You Suck.

Yep . . . that’s what he said.

To me.

My loving, sweet, easy going 13 year old son.

He was mad at his brother.
He was mad at me.
He was hungry.

He didn’t shout it, just mumbled it as he walked away . . . I don’t think he even knows that I heard him.

But I did.

My eyes watered, my stomach flipped and it took ALL my willpower to keep my mouth shut.

“What did you just say?” could have been my response . . . that is any mom’s “normal” response.  But I didn’t. I could have followed him up to his room for a lecture, decided on a logical consequence, raised my voice . . . but I didn’t.

I stayed still and decided . . .

It’s none of my business what my son says to me.

I know, that’s a strong statement . . . but stay with me.

He is 13, and we have raised him well.
He is a smart and confident young man who knows right from wrong.
He already makes most of his own decisions and his own choices.
He is respectful to his family, friends, peers, teachers, and coaches . . . words like “you suck” rarely come out of his mouth.

So I am ok with staying out of my son’s business.

If I am in his business about how he is feeling towards me at that moment
. . . where does that leave me?

hurt
angry
shocked
embarrassed
dejected

How can that make me a good mom?
How can I support him and send him the love he needs, if I am feeling hurt and dejected by his words?

How can me being in his business help him stop being angry and join us for dinner?
It doesn’t . . . it just makes it worse . . . trust me, I’ve been there!

It is none of my business how my son feels about me right now.

Period.

How do I know this?
Because of the way my body felt . . .

As soon as I got out of his business, and back into my own
My stomach settled.
I exhaled and felt my shoulders relax.
My jaw loosened

and

I happily sat down to dinner with my family.

Don’t get me wrong . . . It wasn’t easy, I still had the urge to follow him up to his room . . . but I didn’t, I stayed in my business {thanks to all my practicing}.

5 minutes later . . . he joined us at the dinner table . . . and at bedtime . . . he still wanted me to cuddle him to sleep . . . BAM!

Are you staying in your business right now?
Can you be a caring spouse, lover, friend, parent when you are in someone else’s business?

Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in someone else’s business.
Now feel what it’s like when you stay in your business.

The answer comes from the whispers of your body . . . listen to them.

Meditating is something I really want to WANT to do . . . but I don’t.

I bought a book about the how to’s, the why’s, the should’s of meditating . . . I read it.
I bought a beautiful bright orange meditation pillow and tried it out . . . once.
I have attempted to make time in my schedule to meditate, but I always fill it up with something else . . . always.

And then . . . my “ah ha” moment.

I am forcing my meditation practice to look like my “should’s”. . .

It SHOULD be in a quiet room.
My eyes SHOULD be closed.
My breathing SHOULD be calm and even.
I SHOULD be sitting on my pretty meditation pillow.
I SHOULD not have any thoughts swirling around my mind.
I SHOULD be still, still, still!

Yeah right . . . I am not a big fan of being still or quiet or having my eyes closed!

I meditate in a room surrounded by loud and upbeat music, with someone shouting, “Your body is powerful, bring it on!”

I meditate with my eyes wide open, I don’t want to miss anything.

I meditate when my breathing is fast and deep and my strong heart is racing.

I meditate with my body glowing in sweat.

I meditate while pure and grateful thoughts flow through me.

I meditate while sitting on a stationary bike in Spin Class.

Spinning has become my new addiction . . . and now I know why.

It has all of the elements I thought I wanted and needed from “traditional” meditation . . . but with an edge, my edge . . .

presence
connection
focus
love
peace

I only spin once or twice a week . . . but it’s enough . . . I stopped listening to my “should’s” and chose my “edge” instead . . . authentic to me . . . working for me!

What “should’s” are you listening to?
Are they working for you?

Are you forcing yourself to
work
dress
love
live
the way you think you SHOULD?

Find your edge . . . and begin to get rid of your “should’s”.

Your strong heart will beat faster.
Your eyes will be wide open.
Your thoughts will be pure and grateful.

Your inner voice will shout, “I am powerful, bring it on!”

I do this way more than I am comfortable admitting.

The food is in front of me, usually not a lot, and usually somewhat “healthy,” so I put it into my mouth.

An organic Oreo (ironic huh?), a 40% fat free kettle chip or two or three (40% less fat!!!), a slice of artisan bread (it’s homemade and local, what could be better for me)!

Usually these moments are when . . .

I am busy and on the run
I completely ignore myself and what I am eating
I am focused on what’s next on my list, instead of being present
I convince myself that I deserve it

That’s when the accident happens.

The thing is, I think of myself as a very healthy person.  I drink my eight glasses of water a day, I don’t skip breakfast, I haven’t eaten “fast food” in decades, I actually love to exercise, and I have shelves full of health and wellness books, files and files of magazine articles on diet and exercise, personal journals with food lists, ab burners, diet highlights, weight loss mantras . . . you get the point!

But even with all of my good intentions, knowledge, well meaning perseverance . . .

Years of eating by accident has caused my body to be STUCK!

No matter how many spinning classes or boot camps I take a week, no matter how many magazine articles I read about healthy eating habits or fat burning workouts, no matter how healthy I THINK I am eating . . . my body is telling me something else.

So now I am really listening.
I think I am figuring it out.
I have stopped eating by accident.

I am now eating intentionally . . . on purpose.

I am now asking myself before every SINGLE thing I put into my mouth . . . “Will this nourish my body?”  It’s not nearly as tedious as it sounds, I promise!

I am not fighting with my food, because I know I will never win. I am STILL eating that organic Oreo, sipping on my red wine, enjoying that slice of bread. . . but doing it with intention.

I am deciding how I want to nourish my body at this moment . . . pure and simple.

It’s been a challenge . . . but not as challenging as I had expected. . . why??

Maybe because I have been stumbling along this path for many years, fallen hard, gotten back up and I am now ready to stroll.

Maybe because I was inspired to grab the “right” book of the shelf, the one that I needed at this moment.

Maybe because I didn’t plan on this . . . I didn’t push myself into this . . . it just happened. . . when I was grounded, happy, playful.

It doesn’t matter how it happened.

All that matters is . . . I am feeding myself intentionally, I am making a change, and my body is slowly and confidently freeing itself one intentional mouthful at a time.

What are you “accidentally” doing in your life right now?

toxic relationship
overeating
stressful job
harmful habits
painful and limiting beliefs

Ask yourself . . . “Is this nourishing my body?”

Chances are . . . it’s not!

So now what?

I can tell you what is working for me . . . Turtle Steps. {Breaking down the steps needed to reach your goal until you find a mini step that you know you can accomplish easily, and completing one of those mini steps each day!}

Eating intentionally for me means, taking ONE MEAL at a time, that’s my turtle step.

Simple
Authentic
Successful

Find your accident.
Discover your simple, authentic, successful turtle step.
Take that first step.
Stop living accidentally.
Live on purpose.
Nourish your body . . . pure and simple.