I refuse to push my “default” button.

“Today was a crazy, busy day!”
“This week is flying by.”
“The entire month has been a blur!”
“I can’t believe it’s almost June.”

Sound familiar?

Do you find yourself feeling this way ALL THE TIME?

Is it hard to even catch your breath before you are on to the next soccer practice, lacrosse game, school meeting, dance rehearsal, music lesson, work thing, then . . . homework, walk the dog, throw in a load of laundry, dinner, bath, bedtime . . . just to wake up and do it all over again the next damn day!

Does life just seem to pass you by?
Are you constantly playing “catch up” and never caught up?
Are you always in rush mode?
Do you feel like “Auto Pilot” is your go to setting?

So . . . how is this working for you and your family?
My hunch . . . not so well.

I truly believe we all have the best of intentions.
This “busyness” that surrounds us comes from a place of love, commitment, and dedication . . . but it just gets bigger and bolder and busier . . .

overwhelming
exhausting
crazy making

But lets face it . . . the busyness is not going away.
I get that. I am right there with you.

The thing is . . . you can choose how to live with the busyness.
Do you push your default button or not?
When you make the choice . . . you have the power.
The power to live the way you deserve even in the middle of all your busyness.

When I push my default button my life looks like this:

I am bored.
I just go through the motions.
I don’t “show up.”
I feel dull.
I am always grumpy.

So I ignore my default button . . . even though, at times it seems so much easier to push the damn thing.

Choosing NOT to push the default button is hard work, and that’s ok!
Choosing NOT to push the default button and living with intention takes a ton of patience and practice, and that’s ok.

I struggle with it every single day, and that’s ok!

When I choose NOT to push my default button, my life looks like this:

My 10 year old asks me to jump on the trampoline . . . I jump.
My 13 year old wants me to hang out with him . . . I scoot closer.
When I feel bitchy, I find time in my busyness and . . . I get my heart pumping.
My husband wants to connect . . . I sit on the porch with him.

My busyness is still there.
My calendar keeps filling up.
My lists get longer.
My mind is full.
But by choosing . . . even if it’s just for a few minutes{btw: it still counts} I have the power over how I am living.

Your choice: push the default button or not.
What do you choose?

I work hard every single day
as a mom . wife . life coach . writer . volunteer . friend . . .

I work damn hard.
And I am good at what I do.

I am also good at taking time for me.

Some may call this selfish . . . let them.
I love that word, and in my opinion,
we all need a little more selfishness in our lives!

The definition my handy dictionary app came up with for selfish:

adj – concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others

is somewhat misleading and negative.

Here is MY way more positive, clear and beautiful definition of selfish:

Being good to yourself.
Taking time for you.
Making yourself top priority.
Embracing who you are.
Being your own biggest fan.
Believing in yourself.
Showing up to your life.
Buying yourself a new pair of shoes dammit!

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

I love my life.
I am blessed.
I am not lucky, I am present.
I set my intentions.
I show up in my life.
I make it happen.
And . . . I am selfish.

This is what my selfish looks like:

I find time to exercise . . . this is a big one!
I love to meet my friends for coffee or lunch . . . my favorite.
I treat myself to a haircut, a manicure, a facial . . . and I feel good!
I say goodnight to my boys early, so I can climb into bed with my fav book.
I shop for beautiful things to add to my home or my wardrobe . . . a lot!
I treat myself to a green smoothie at my favorite health food store . . . sooo delish.

Sounds nice, huh?
But I won’t lie to you . . . there is a catch.
And my hunch is that many of you can relate.

Sometimes I have a lot of guilt around . . . being selfish!!!

Even though I did 15 loads of laundry, went to the market twice, worked with 2 clients, signed 5 permission slips, chauffeured my kids to their activities for 3 hours, paid the bills, walked the dog, cooked dinner, AND managed to find time to workout and shop for new couch pillows . . . guilt still grabs me, catches me off guard and hisses, “What do you mean you took time for yourself to workout and shop for pillows?”

Guilt finds a way in.
It creeps into my thoughts.
Wraps itself around me until I feel stuck.
Whispers in my ear, “Who do you think you are?” “Why are you so selfish?” “It’s not about you, it’s about your kids, your husband, your job, your commitments, your duties!”

I don’t like guilt
It’s needy
It’s ugly
It’s controlling

And most of the time, I kick guilt to the curb.
But sometimes, it gets the best of me.
And that’s ok.

I say hello.
I acknowledge his presence.
And then I turn around and walk the other way, done.

Guilt loves to make selfish feel dirty.
He wants you to think selfish is a “four letter” word.
Damn him!

But that doesn’t mean you can’t kick guilt to the curb.
Be a bit selfish every now and then.
It’s all good . . . I promise!

The thing is . . .
being selfish makes me a kick ass
mom . wife . life coach . friend

It gives me a chance to exhale and reset reset reset.
It sends me juicy love and clarity.
I feel crazy good and bounce around with green smoothie energy.
I conquer those damn mountains, or at least the mountain of laundry.
I am just plain ready. Bring it!

You can be kick ass too!

You just need to find your “selfish.”
What does it look like?

When you choose to be “selfish”
You will kick butt.
You will look smokin’.
You will rock this world.
You will live on the edge.
You will be totally true to you.

You DESERVE some selfishness in your life. Try it today.

AND

Repeat after me . . .

“Selfish” is NOT a dirty word!

NEVER thought I would say that.

My relationship with my thighs has always been rocky.

Even when my thighs were younger, I never liked them.

I didn’t like them in a swimsuit, pink ballet tights, a leotard, jeans, shorts, even my wedding dress and I STILL don’t like them . . .

They should be thinner.
They should look like everyone else’s.
They shouldn’t have so much cellulite.
They should just be better.

Not a fan of my thighs.

But I AM a fan of Beyonce . . . and the way she rocked her thighs during the Superbowl Halftime show has given me a new found respect for MY thighs.

BAM!

I am woman, here me roar with my rockin’ thighs! That’s all I could think of while watching Beyonce strutting around the stage . . .

big
beautiful
bold

I am not quite there yet, don’t think I will EVER put my thighs back in a leotard . . . but I am getting closer to rockin’ my thighs.

And this is how I am doing it . . .

EVERY single day I am sending my thighs love . . . or at least “like”.

Some days it’s a whole lotta love.
Other days it’s a struggle to find anything I even like about my damn thighs!

This is what it looks like . . .

“Thank you thighs, I’m impressed . . . you got me down that icy hill on my snowboard without letting me fall on my butt, and I actually had fun!”

“I love to dance, and you (thighs) have always been right there with me . . . that deserves some love.”

Yesterday I was grumpy and felt fat . . . I was so “done” by the end of the day, and just wanted to crawl into bed to watch Downton Abbey. . . hadn’t sent my thighs anything yet, so . . . “Thank you thighs for carrying me upstairs to my cozy bed!”

Your turn.

Think of a part of YOU that you have always had a rocky relationship with.
Send it some love and see what happens.

Instead of constantly hating your
thighs
stomach
butt
arms
brain
hair
boobs
feet . . . I could go on and on

Just STOP
take a breath
and find something to love about that rocky relationship . . . if I can do it, YOU can!

Repeat
Everyday

You will begin to hate that part less . . . and it may even turn into a friendship.
Or at least some sort of relationship that isn’t so rocky.
Those painful thoughts around that part of you WILL begin to relax and unwind.

And that can only lead to big, beautiful, bold days!

My thighs may never rock a leather leotard, fishnet stockings and boots, and THAT’S OK . . . but they look damn good in my new yoga pants! Ahhh . . .true like.

At least for today.

You Suck.

Yep . . . that’s what he said.

To me.

My loving, sweet, easy going 13 year old son.

He was mad at his brother.
He was mad at me.
He was hungry.

He didn’t shout it, just mumbled it as he walked away . . . I don’t think he even knows that I heard him.

But I did.

My eyes watered, my stomach flipped and it took ALL my willpower to keep my mouth shut.

“What did you just say?” could have been my response . . . that is any mom’s “normal” response.  But I didn’t. I could have followed him up to his room for a lecture, decided on a logical consequence, raised my voice . . . but I didn’t.

I stayed still and decided . . .

It’s none of my business what my son says to me.

I know, that’s a strong statement . . . but stay with me.

He is 13, and we have raised him well.
He is a smart and confident young man who knows right from wrong.
He already makes most of his own decisions and his own choices.
He is respectful to his family, friends, peers, teachers, and coaches . . . words like “you suck” rarely come out of his mouth.

So I am ok with staying out of my son’s business.

If I am in his business about how he is feeling towards me at that moment
. . . where does that leave me?

hurt
angry
shocked
embarrassed
dejected

How can that make me a good mom?
How can I support him and send him the love he needs, if I am feeling hurt and dejected by his words?

How can me being in his business help him stop being angry and join us for dinner?
It doesn’t . . . it just makes it worse . . . trust me, I’ve been there!

It is none of my business how my son feels about me right now.

Period.

How do I know this?
Because of the way my body felt . . .

As soon as I got out of his business, and back into my own
My stomach settled.
I exhaled and felt my shoulders relax.
My jaw loosened

and

I happily sat down to dinner with my family.

Don’t get me wrong . . . It wasn’t easy, I still had the urge to follow him up to his room . . . but I didn’t, I stayed in my business {thanks to all my practicing}.

5 minutes later . . . he joined us at the dinner table . . . and at bedtime . . . he still wanted me to cuddle him to sleep . . . BAM!

Are you staying in your business right now?
Can you be a caring spouse, lover, friend, parent when you are in someone else’s business?

Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in someone else’s business.
Now feel what it’s like when you stay in your business.

The answer comes from the whispers of your body . . . listen to them.

Meditating is something I really want to WANT to do . . . but I don’t.

I bought a book about the how to’s, the why’s, the should’s of meditating . . . I read it.
I bought a beautiful bright orange meditation pillow and tried it out . . . once.
I have attempted to make time in my schedule to meditate, but I always fill it up with something else . . . always.

And then . . . my “ah ha” moment.

I am forcing my meditation practice to look like my “should’s”. . .

It SHOULD be in a quiet room.
My eyes SHOULD be closed.
My breathing SHOULD be calm and even.
I SHOULD be sitting on my pretty meditation pillow.
I SHOULD not have any thoughts swirling around my mind.
I SHOULD be still, still, still!

Yeah right . . . I am not a big fan of being still or quiet or having my eyes closed!

I meditate in a room surrounded by loud and upbeat music, with someone shouting, “Your body is powerful, bring it on!”

I meditate with my eyes wide open, I don’t want to miss anything.

I meditate when my breathing is fast and deep and my strong heart is racing.

I meditate with my body glowing in sweat.

I meditate while pure and grateful thoughts flow through me.

I meditate while sitting on a stationary bike in Spin Class.

Spinning has become my new addiction . . . and now I know why.

It has all of the elements I thought I wanted and needed from “traditional” meditation . . . but with an edge, my edge . . .

presence
connection
focus
love
peace

I only spin once or twice a week . . . but it’s enough . . . I stopped listening to my “should’s” and chose my “edge” instead . . . authentic to me . . . working for me!

What “should’s” are you listening to?
Are they working for you?

Are you forcing yourself to
work
dress
love
live
the way you think you SHOULD?

Find your edge . . . and begin to get rid of your “should’s”.

Your strong heart will beat faster.
Your eyes will be wide open.
Your thoughts will be pure and grateful.

Your inner voice will shout, “I am powerful, bring it on!”