My husband and I have the same damn arguments over and over again. It’s what we do . . . and we do it really well!

We know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, how hard to push, and when to pull back from those buttons before someone has finally had too much {did I mention that we are experts}!

For the record . . . I adore my husband and I’m grateful for who he is and all that he does for me and our boys. Together, we have created an amazing life for our family . . . and I wouldn’t change a thing.

It’s just that I am tired of the same 3 arguments over and over again. I am worn out from falling into our comfortable and familiar patterns of arguing without even thinking about it . . . like we are on autopilot . . . letting it happen again and again.

Sound familiar??

My hunch is that many of you are nodding your heads in agreement . . . isn’t it tiring??

I bet you are as worn out as I am.

I don’t WANT to argue with my husband, it happens because I ALLOW it to happen, which really pisses me off.

As a life coach . . . I have lots of amazing tools and strategies to choose from when it comes to breaking shitty patterns and painful habits, especially in relationships. I’ve tried most of them. Some work for me and some don’t or I just get tired of “working at it.” I have a busy life people . . . it’s easy to put my husband and my relationship last on my “to do” list.

But the one “tool” I keep coming back to when I have the energy to make my relationship with my husband a priority {and I’m really trying to do that more often} is a book based on ancient Toltec wisdom titled The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It’s a quick read, and worth the time . . . but if you are anything like me, “finding the time” can be a struggle {that’s an entirely different topic for a future blog post}! So I am sharing with you the “straight to the point” and “only takes 30 seconds to read” version {you’re welcome}.

The Four Agreements

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the WORD to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your WORD in the direction of truth and love.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self abuse and regret.

So what do you think? Pretty damn powerful right? And the best part. . . there are only 4 agreements!! Which means . . . not too overwhelming, fairly easy to remember, and short enough to post someplace in your home or write in your journal or pin it to one of your boards at Pinterest.

For me, when shit is getting real and I’m serious about making a change {or at least making some tweaks} my tool or mantra or reminder gets posted on our fridge {aka: the davis family command center} and right now The Four Agreements are front and center!!!

xo,
amy

Yup, It’s true, I DO love to exercise. Most mornings I wake up giddy with excitement to sit my butt down on a spin bike for an hour, or workout my core until I feel nauseous, or see my quads actually shaking while at barre class. I love to sweat, I love the loud music, I love my instructor pushing me harder than I would ever push myself, and I LOVE how I feel afterwards . . . strong . . . beautiful . . . alive.

It may sound a bit crazy to you . . . but it works for me!

The thing is, I wasn’t always in love with exercise. For most of my life, I exercised because I thought “I should.” I followed what others where doing and ignored what my body wanted. I ignored what my body kept whispering to me,

“This isn’t working for you . . . do it your way, NOT the way you think you SHOULD be doing it.”

I didn’t listen.

So for years, I would show up at the gym, do something pretty “half assed” for a while and then go home to eat a bag of potato chips for dinner . . . because I “could” . . . I had “worked out!”

I was actually pretty “healthy” in my 20’s and 30’s. I was a “healthyish” eater, I exercised here and there, I didn’t gain a lot of weight with my pregnancies, I dabbled in organic food, lived a pretty clean lifestyle and I felt “fine.”

It wasn’t until my 40’s that exercise became a big part of who I was and how I defined myself. My boys were older and didn’t “need” me as much, my life was more settled and I had a bit more time to really think about how I wanted to FEEL and what my body craved. I put a lot of effort into figuring out what worked for me and what didn’t for me . . . it took a few years to tweak but I think I’ve got it!

What DOESN’T work for me . . .
Exercising by myself.
Working out in the afternoon or evening.
Anything that involves running.
Exercising by myself. {Big one . . . worth mentioning again}
Working out in silence.
Uncomfortable workout clothing . . . especially anything that makes me “feel fat.”
Not sweating.

What DOES work for me . . .
Exercising while surrounded by amazing and strong peeps.
Working out with loud music . . . the louder the better.
Sweating . . . a lot.
Exercising in fabulous outfits.
Working out with instructors who kick my butt.
Pre paying for a class . . . it keeps me accountable.
Early morning workouts . . . I feel strong and beautiful all day long!

By really becoming CLEAR about what works and what doesn’t work for me . . . I have been able to take my exercising to a whole new level. It’s all about nourishing myself, listening to what my body craves, and taking the time for me.

My feeling “fine” has turned into feeling “amazing!” And I can honestly say . . . “I LOVE to exercise!”

My point in sharing my story with you, is not to get you to fall in love with exercising {though that could happen!!}

My point is . . . to remind you to LISTEN to what your body has to say.
What does your body and spirit crave?
How can you nourish your body each day?
What elements of exercise do you love, like or even just tolerate?

If you want to make exercise a part of your lifestyle to feel strong, alive and fabulous {and I truly hope you do} . . . you’ve got to do it YOUR WAY and LISTEN to that beautiful body of yours!! SO . . . what’s it saying?

xo,
amy

My 13th year old son is not a fan of showers. He tolerates them about 3 times a week . . . and up until 6 months ago, that worked for him and me.

But now puberty has hit hard . . . and he seems greasy ALL THE TIME.
It’s driving me crazy!

I cringe when I look at his hair.
I’m embarrassed when we are out in the world for all to see his shiny head of hair {and I don’t mean the good kind of shiny}.
I am relieved when his greasy head is covered by the hood of his sweatshirt.
And I actually do a happy dance when I hear the shower running in his bathroom.

I know I know . . . I am TOTALLY in his business about this and I am COMPLETELY making it mean something.

“What the hell, how can he be so lazy that he won’t even take a shower.”
“I raised him better than this!”
“OMG . . . everyone thinks I am a terrible mom, I can’t even get my son to wash his damn hair.”
“There’s Sam . . . that weird home schooled kid that never showers or leaves the house.”
“He will never be clean again and he will live in my basement for the rest of his life.”

So . . . in my heart, I know none of the above are remotely true . . . duh . . . he is an awesome human being and I’m a pretty kick ass mom.

But . . . in my head, Sam’s greasy hair blurs my clarity and smears my confidence, getting me all tangled up in those shitty thoughts and embarrassing emotions.

Here’s how I’m working on getting untangled.

#1: I am giving those shitty thoughts and embarrassing emotions permission to sit with me for a bit. Not for too long, but long enough that those thoughts begin to lose their power and I begin to gain my clarity back.

#2: I am picking my battles. Does it really matter if Sam’s hair is greasy? Um . . . no! What matters is that he still wants to cuddle with me at night and tells me he loves me as he jumps out of the car to get to one of his music lessons.

#3: I ask myself “Amy, what are you making this mean?” and the more I ask, the less I cringe or feel embarrassed or defeated. The awareness around “what I am making it mean” helps take the “sting” out of it, and sometimes even gives me a good laugh!

So what is all tangled up in your life right now?
And what are you making it mean?
It could be something big like you just lost your job, or it could be something a bit smaller, like your husband didn’t carry the basket of laundry up the stairs{again}!

It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small . . . it’s still feels shitty
because you are making it mean something!

So sit with those shitty thoughts for a bit, make sure to pick your battles and let the other stuff go, and then ask yourself, “What am I making it mean?” The answer will surprise you!

The pies are made, the car is packed, our dog is at her favorite kennel and we are on our way to visit family for Thanksgiving.

As we begin our 5 hour drive (with my 15 year son at the wheel . . . yikes) I am reminding myself of a few quick strategies to make it through the next 48 hours with the family.

Let’s face it, as much as we want our holidays to be like that “Norman Rockwell” painting . . . smiling faces, well behaved in laws, witty and mild banter and warm fuzzy feelings all around, it never is . . . and that’s ok! Family visits usually never live up to the expectations that our minds dream up, so how can we survive these visits and even ENJOY the time we spend with the family? Here are 3 of my favorite survival strategies . . .

1. I keep my mouth shut. Ok, maybe not ALL the time, but I try really hard to stay in my own business and out of everyone else’s! Staying out of someone else’s business is damn difficult for me and it usually never ends well. So the best way for me to stay in MY business is to just keep my mouth shut (except for that witty and mild banter)!

2. I put my wine glass down. I won’t deny it . . . I love my red wine and it’s always flowing at our family gatherings. It’s easy to use it to take the edge off and get me through those uncomfortable family moments. But it’s never a good idea to rely on it . . . and the more wine I drink, the harder it is for me to keep my mouth shut . . . shit . . . now I’m in everyone’s business!

3. I write myself a permission slip. Which means, I give myself permission to acknowledge and FEEL my feelings. I’m not always proud of the emotions that are coming up (especially during family gatherings) and I don’t necessarily want those shitty feelings hanging around for too long. But the LESS I ignore them or try to stuff them down, the shorter their visit! When I write myself a permission slip and allow my feelings of frustration or disappointment or resentment to flow through, I can usually get through to the other side pretty quickly . . . and reset and enjoy the rest of my family time. Cheers!

My hope is that at least one of these strategies will work for you . . . but if not, just remember . . . the holidays DO NOT last forever thank goodness!

xo,
amy

It feels so good to be back writing and connecting to my beautiful peeps . . . I have missed you!

My life has been very “full” lately!
Full of “to do” lists and a crammed calendar {all good stuff, just ginormous lists}. Full of planning college tours and homeschooling curriculums {my boys are happy, so it’s all worth it}. Full of laundry, cleaning and making dinner {these tasks just never go away}. Full of chauffeuring my boys around town while being their therapist/coach/mom/biggest fan all rolled into one {I am mentally exhausted by 7pm}.

Sound familiar??

A “full” life can be awesomely joyful and gratifying . . . until it’s not. Until you just want to rip up your “to do” lists, turn off your phone, lock your bedroom door, crawl into bed with a pan of brownies and have a good cry! Trust me, I’ve been there and my hunch is that you have too!

So beautiful peeps, I think I’ve figured out how to have an awesomely joyful and gratifying “full” life without feeling the need to escape from your world . . . while scarfing down 2,000 brownie calories!

It’s all about embracing your “selfish.” It’s ok to be “selfish” . . . in fact, it’s a must! Let me repeat that . . . IT IS OK TO BE “SELFISH!!” When you take care of your whole self by embracing your “selfish,” you WILL kick butt in your life AND have the energy to be an awesome mom, partner, friend and human being!

I KNOW it can be super hard to claim your “selfish” . . . it still trips me up once in awhile. But if you make the time to take care and nourish yourself . . . you WILL feel beautiful and energized to tackle that “to do” list, the pile of laundry, that 7thgrade math problem, the looming work deadline, that rocky relationship.

So think about what your “selfish” looks like, and embrace it! Make a list of what nourishes you, what feels good to you and is FOR you. Take time each day to embrace your “selfish” {even if it’s only 5 minutes} you’ve gotta start somewhere. When you take care and nourish your whole self . . . you kick butt in your beautiful life!

My “selfish” looks like . . . early morning spin classes, walks with my friends, snuggling into bed with Netflix, spending hours in my garden, relaxing with a glass of wine and my hubby.

What does your “selfish” look like???

xo,
amy